If He Wanted To, He’d Clean. But This Isn’t About the Dishes!

The phrase we all know is, “If he wanted to, he would.”

It’s usually said with frustration. With resignation. With that quiet ache of realizing you are over-explaining your needs to someone who keeps missing them.

In my video, the words sit over a clean kitchen.

If he wanted to, he’d clean.

And while it’s easy to make this about chores, that’s not actually what this is about.

It’s about consideration.

Care without scoreboard keeping.

Presence without being prompted.

Willingness that doesn’t require reminders, negotiations, or emotional labor.

It’s the feeling of being met.

For a long season of my life, dating became an unexpected mirror. The more I chose myself, the more I enjoyed my own time, the fewer second dates I went on.

Not because something was wrong.

But because something was finally right.

As I deepened my relationship with myself, my standards clarified. My nervous system softened. My tolerance for misalignment disappeared. I could see clearly without needing to justify or explain.

I started recognizing compatibility instead of chasing chemistry.

Dating myself wasn’t a trend. It wasn’t aesthetic. It wasn’t performative self-care or romanticizing solitude for social media.

It was honest.

I learned what I actually liked. What kind of food made me feel good in my body. What books held my attention. What my nervous system needed at the end of a long day. What standards felt grounding rather than rigid.

I wasn’t curating a version of myself to be chosen. I was inhabiting my own life.

And that changed everything.

Because when you know yourself, you stop bargaining. You stop explaining. You stop overriding your intuition out of politeness or hope.

You start noticing energy instead of words.

You notice who shows up without being asked. Who pays attention without being coached. Who contributes without needing credit.

Cultivating discernment in my own life sharpened my discernment in partnership.

So when I met my partner, there was no confusion.

No wondering. No second-guessing. No decoding mixed signals.

From the very first date, it was obvious.

Not because it was dramatic. But because it was calm.

Because effort was mutual. Because care was consistent. Because willingness showed up in all areas of life.

I didn’t chase this relationship.

I chose myself. And this met me there.

That’s the part I want more people to understand.

Choosing yourself is not a means to an end. It’s not a strategy to attract someone else. It’s a return to your own energy!

And from that place, two things can happen.

You might realize that you genuinely love your life as it is. Your time. Your space. Your rhythm. Yourself.

Or you might meet someone who fits into that life without friction, without persuasion, without effort that feels heavy.

Either way, you are not waiting.

You are present!

You are living in alignment. You are building a relationship with yourself that doesn’t hinge on outcome. You are grounded in who you are, not who you hope to become for someone else.

If you are in a season of dating yourself, let this be your permission to stop rushing. To stop framing your life as a placeholder. To stop believing fulfillment exists somewhere ahead of you.

This season matters.

And if you want support learning how to date yourself in a way that is grounded, honest, and deeply sustainable, not so you can find a partner, but so you can feel at home in your own life, this is the work I do.

You don’t need to perform healing. You don’t need to settle to avoid being alone. You don’t need to abandon yourself to be chosen.

You get to build a life that feels good now!

And from that place, whatever meets you will meet you in truth.

If you’re ready to begin, reach out! Choosing yourself is not a detour. It’s the foundation.